It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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