There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
