is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize