Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
this is an emotional support booty call
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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