I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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