and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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