dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
