And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
