I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
