Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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