just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
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They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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