My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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