I'm going to jail i love you
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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