I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
