i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
