wanna go halves on a baby?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
