My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
