I am puke
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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