he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
