I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This is classic penis vs brain.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
