According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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