Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
