True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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