I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize