there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
