Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
