So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize