I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
