I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
