Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
