I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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