I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
