it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Shame is for Republicans.
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