What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish you could order shots online.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
