I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
