That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
