i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
