were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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