first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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