i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
