Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
