ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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