The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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