can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My ATM looks so different sober.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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