when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
