i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
