My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
