nut hugger
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
