its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
