alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
