The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
