i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
