Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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