On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
