you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
