Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
