Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
