Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
