The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
