You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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