I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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