I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
