she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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