Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
