I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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