Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
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He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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