True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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