I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
