dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
