just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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