is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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