Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
please come you make the beer taste better
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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