sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
