Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
