I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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